Me and My Monster Leaf

In the iconic words of The Mamas and the Papas, right now, “All the leaves are brown…and the skies are grey…” Until the holiday decorations come out in full force, I can’t help humming that California Dreamin’ tune and thinking that our usually handsome urban landscape looks just a tad bleak. This is when I know it’s time to bring some color into my living space by visiting one of many Upper East Side florists.

In the last few years, I have become specifically enamored with an extra large tropical leaf appropriately named Monstera deliciosa, otherwise known to me as “Monster Leaf.” This is brilliantly green, extremely lush, and reminds me of a particularly fun (and funny) weekend jaunt I once made down to Palm Beach, Florida. Forget all The Beautiful People, I practically swooned when I discovered that the pool of our hotel was surrounded by Monsteras, whole bushes of them, lounging stylishly in every direction.

Of course, whenever I place one of these oversized leaves in the old blue wine bottle I pretend is a vase, it fills my entire apartment: I can barely close the door and I have to walk around it to get from “my bedroom” to my “living room” (and I use those terms loosely.) But I love it despite its girth. There is something very modern about this particular cut of greenery. When I gaze across the room (a whole two feet away), I can almost imagine that I live in the pages of a West Elm catalogue or that I exist amid many fine pieces from the uber-sleek Conran collection.

The truth is that, though I’ve carefully picked a few choice items off the street, I haven’t bought a new piece of furniture in years. And I still have several thriftstore holdovers from college. Somehow, though, my Monster Leaf spruces up the place and even makes it seem slightly chic.

My main supplier is Fellan Florists on 2nd Avenue at 65th. They almost always have them when I pop in and they sell for just $5-7.50 per leaf. Floral Designer Ari Papandreou says that lots of people buy these three and five at a time. (My guess is that their foyers are slightly more spacious than my own.) I’ve also seen Monsteras at a few corner bodegas and picked a few up at Eva’s Garden Flowers on 1st at 79th.

The beautiful thing is that these leaves last for weeks. I even had one hardy Monster keep me company for over three months. Of course, as Papandreou says, you can keep them around longer if you change their water and also snip off the bottoms of the stems regularly. My own more scientific advice is that you treat your Monster with the respect and admiration it deserves. For example, since it’s one of the more sophisticated things I own (however fleeting) I try to use a more elevated vocabulary in its presence.

One thing I’ve noticed is that when I leave the store with one of these Monster Leaves swaddled in tissue paper, lots of people tend to stare as I walk down the street. And I can hardly blame them: I assume they’re wondering how they can similarly increase their own hip factor. Either that, or they're wondering why I’m talking out loud to my beloved big leaf about the “negative psychological ramifications” of this grey, chilly, weather…